Exhaustion Sets


Sets in like it’s staying.

A sleepover

I didn’t agree to.

Unpack, unravel, set up,

Sit down.

I watch it unfold.


Whispers of worry,


Is this a debate?

It’s a little broken.

What is this token?

Winter is here,

And I can’t


Or recreate.

I’m stuck,

Black mud.

Is this my life?



Rivalry of words,

Made swords of my pens,

Stabbing at pages

A4 flesh.


I fall,

Rainbows of bruises,

Not on my surface.

Undercover sleepover?

Fight within the secrets

Of how you fear

For your future.

Tired of these lies

We keep

Telling ourselves,

That we tell

Each other.

We’re not alone.


It’s just me.

A One



I ache

To wake.

To see the light

I know is there.


Close by?

Most likely.

But out of reach,

And sight.

But not of mind.

When can I take off

This blindfold?

It’s not too late.

It’s not too late.

It’s never

Too late.


– By Maégan Jane Boyle, 28/10/2018



The mighty rumble,

And a flash of light – not from my torch,

As I search the ground that night.

I look, but I wonder if I’ll find.


Some are vibrant; alive with electricity,

Then appears a dome of coral – not from my sun,

As I tread from the fired wood laurel.

I move, but I wonder if I’m forward.


The fork; it pierces, and the cloud bursts open.

Rain, like a cloak upon me, and my earth,

Tries to flatten the scarlet bowl,

And I wonder if we’re in danger now.


Some are dark; a monochrome picture delight.

The flash flashes – not from my camera,

As I peer through my eyelashes.

I click, but I wonder if I’ll capture.


The intense roar,

And a spark of fluorescence – not from my city,

As I cry out for my friend.

I shout, but I wonder if I’m heard.


And through the under bush,

I see the eyes glinting back at me;

Brighter than any flare of light.

I smile, because we’ll drink from teacups tonight.


By Maégan Boyle
21st June 2018

NOTE: Picture is of my gorgeous boy, Zeus, on the beach in Prestonpans, Scotland, earlier this month.

The Magick Word… or should that be ‘World’?

It’s been 11 months since my last update in regards to my novel, here on my WordPress blog.

Admittedly, comparative to how far I thought I would have come in that time to how far I’ve actually come is… well, disappointing.

Too many have long since given up asking me about when it’s going to be finished, and I don’t really blame them. It gets old quick having to give the same response; ‘still editing, but progress is progress’.

And yeah, progress is progress. I can’t get hung up on how little that may or may not be, because at the end of the day, I have health issues that makes it near impossible to have much of a timetable or daily structure. I have to focus on my health first and foremost, but I can assure you, my novel comes err… joint second. (Family life, y’know?)

Speaking of which, you may have noticed not one but TWO Border Collies in the featured image. On 28th March we welcomed a new member to our family. Say ‘Hi’ to Apollo!
He’s now 7 month’s old. He’s sweet, a little bit crazy, and quite the handful in the beginning of his energetic adolescence! Zeus is doing fantastically in teaching him the basics, socialising him, giving him a whole lotta confidence, and helping me use up some of that puppy energy. So I’m pleased to say he’s adjusted to us very well, and quite quickly!

… Back to the book update.

If I were to give you an estimate, I would say I’m 3/4 of the way there. I really am nearly finished, I just can’t tell you precisely when that pivotal (and long anticipated?) moment will be. All I can really say, though, is it’ll be finished this year.

Right now I’m stuck on working the ins and outs of my magick system, which – if you didn’t know – is ridiculously difficult and exhausting work. I’ve already created a system of laws (societal and physical) which I’m happy with, it’s just a matter of figuring out the schools of magick, which type can do what, the limitations of that school, any branches (or not) in said school, and how many schools of magick can be learnt by a single person… and probably other things I can’t currently think of.

I have a rough idea of what I want, and although I probably don’t need all of this set in stone until in later books, I personally want a solid foundation of something that drives my story.

After that, I need to finish up some of the main lore behind my novel. I can’t even begin to tell you how much lore I need to create for the entire series, but lets just focus on a bit at a time, yeah? Haha.

So as I finish up the last 1/4 of the book, I’ll be working on the magick system and lore on the side…

Also, in the last 11 months, there have been three new story ideas put in my “others” folder, making a total of 45 other novels to write, majority of which are a series. Sigh.

Let’s finish tackling this novel first, I think.

Best wishes.

What is the magick word, anyway? Did I even say?…

Also, err, word count total currently sits at around 109,000.


Just finished watching the film Unrest on Netflix… I wish everyone would watch this, if only to see what life has been and is like behind closed doors – from those who suffer M.E. to those who care for the sufferers.

It is a cruel, dark, painful, lonely, and tiring journey for everyone.

I have been told it’s all in my head. I have been told it’s growing pains. I have been told someone else is making me sick. I have went through painful physio- and hydro-therapy sessions time after time. I have had numerous mental health assessments. I have had blood work done many times; an MRI on my brain; CT scans on my body. I have been pushed and pulled, and humiliated, and I have been called a liar.

I have been a 7 year old girl, in agony at school, alone on a cold metal bench, watching other kids play, and asking God if I was going to die, and asking what I did to deserve it.

I have been an 11 year old girl wanting to be free of pain, dizziness, migraines, light and sound sensitivities, mental fatigue, slurring, exhaustion, unrestful sleep for so many years… Just wanting to do things I should have been able to do.

I have been a 13 year old girl struggling to make it to school, bound in a wheelchair, and feeling so alone.

I have been a 15 year old girl mostly house-bound, finally diagnosed with severe M.E./CFS and CPS by a specialist in a specialist clinic, having them tell me they were so surprised I’d managed all this time with so little help… Asking me to speak in meetings to the other patients to help them, but having to refuse because I was too ill.

I have been a 16 year old girl too tired to fight, self-hating and self-harming. Wondering why very few believed me despite a diagnosis – wondering why anyone would think I would make this choice to limit my life.

I have been a 17 year old teen, realising that even those closest to you can be blind to your suffering.

I have been an 19 year old young adult, trying to come to terms that no one has a cure, and no one is coming to offer more help. That this is what life will be like for me. Trying to work through the anger and the grief to accept what I’ve lost, and what I won’t experience.

Here I am, 26 years old in 10 days time. Grateful for what I have, and for those who support me. I have learnt to dismiss the non-believers, and focus on what I can do.
I am an OU graduate with a 2:1 honours degree, determined to do a Masters.
I am a writer, editing my current novel that I will publish, and many more novels to write.
I have ambition.
I have patience.
I have imagination.
I have determination
I have strength.
I have compassion…

I also have M.E.





All those in wicked ways,
Autumn breeze,
And Summer daze.

Fog driven madness,
For happiness.

Lies bare our truth,
Lives move,
Lasting soothe.

Gave all that I had,
Guise of glad,
Gotten bad.

In all these years,
I shed my tears,
It saw no peers.

What does the future hold,
Winter frost,
Without Spring bold.


By Maégan Boyle
3rd October 2017

The Long Way To Edit

OK, so I’m still at it.

I think now it’s a total of 8 months editing this novel, though I’ve not spent that entire time editing due to other things like visiting family, short-term writer’s block and a broken toe. How does a broken toe stop you from writing? You ask. Well, I say, because the darn thing hurts and I can’t sit still!

Anyhoo, the first 20,000+ words have been completely rewritten due to issues in not representing certain characters and relationships enough, but I’m now very happy with what I’ve written, and I hope this 13326576277359 time will be the last!

I don’t have an exact time frame on editing, mainly because I want to get it right the first time, so I’m going to spend time on “perfecting” it as much as I can, but I am hoping to be finished before winter this year for a final proof-read, and just to check over any spelling or grammar mistakes/typo’s.

I did have a bit o’ writer’s block the last week or two, just my brain-cogs decided they weren’t going to move, but with the help of my other-half, Alex, I managed to break that streak last night. Planning on continuing the new streak tonight. Wish me luck!

On other “news”, I’m trying to read more at the moment, but so far it’s full of dog training and behaviour books which I’m really enjoying. Just realised the other day I’ve still got several books I’ve started to read but haven’t finished.

I think I’ve resigned myself to not being able to finish The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton (shout out to my friend Laura – nope, I’ve still not finished it!). It’s not that the book isn’t good, it’s extremely well detailed and written, but for me it’s long-winded and just not my kind of genre… I think I’ve been trying to read it for the last 3 – maybe 4 – years.

That’s all for now, I think!
Best wishes ❤

Have a picture of my boy, Zeus, in Scotland from our recent trip to visit my in-laws 🙂


Untitled Free Writing.

Just a very random short story of 579 words that randomly came to mind…

‘I don’t know,’ I sighed. ‘I just think me and him aren’t compatible, you know? Like our star signs don’t match or something.’
‘You’re basing your relationship on star signs?’ Aubrey wrinkled her nose.
I shrugged. ‘No… Well, no because like, we just don’t have much to talk about. And he likes stuff I don’t like. He doesn’t even like watching Saturday Night Live!’
She took out the jar of peanut butter from the cupboard, and turned to me. ‘You do know you’re allowed to like different things, right?’
‘Yeah, yeah I know that. It’s just we don’t have much in common.’
‘You have loads in common,’ she laughed as she grabbed a spoon from the drawer.
‘Like what?’
‘Well,’ she began, looking up at nothing and sat at the table across from me. ‘You both like pizza.’
‘Everyone likes pizza.’
She looked at me hard. ‘No one likes peaches and pineapple on their pizza… Except you two weirdos.’
I snorted.
She sat up, and pointed her spoon at me. ‘Oh, and you both love those tiny pigs!’
‘They’re cute.’
‘You both like watching The Walking Dead,’ she shuddered.
‘You’re going to eat it like that?’ I said, watching her open the peanut butter jar.
‘Yeah, it’s so good.’
‘And I watch that because he likes it.’
‘He did take you to see Twilight. You know he hates sparkly vamps, and the whole miserable-face Bella thing, or whatever. You do things like that for each other, but you don’t do it with everything. You’re not going to do everything he does – you’re not supposed to. That’s clingy, and weird, and like, obsessive. That’s how relationships are, anyway. You have things you both like, and things you do separately because you like different things, too.’
‘Yeah, I guess,’ I said, reaching over to a magazine on the table and began to flip through it.
She dug out a scoop of peanut butter, and ate it. ‘Romance isn’t rocket surgery,’ she mumbled.
‘Rocket science,’ I said.
‘No, rocket surgery.’
‘I don’t even-’
‘It’s called a malaphor.’
‘The hell is a malaphor?’
‘It’s like two different metaphors squished together.’
‘Where’d you learn that?’
‘That picture site?’
‘Yeah, it’s like that Instagram you use, except better.’
I shook my head. ‘Well, we’re compatible anyway. Says here in this mag.’
‘Huh?’ She scooped another mouthful in.
‘I’m Libra, and compatible with an Aries.’
‘I thought he was a bull?’
‘You mean a Taurus?’ I laughed, then frowned. ‘Now I don’t know.’
‘I’m not the sharpest egg in the attic.’
‘That doesn’t even make sense.’
‘I know. But it’s funny.’
‘I’m not laughing,’ I laughed. ‘What am I going to do?’
‘Just see how it goes, will you? You’re always panicking about stuff. Just be calm. It’s not like you’re marrying him.’
‘Yeah, I guess.’
‘You’re too busy looking for that number ten, instead of looking for your number one.’
‘Wow, deep.’
‘Meh, Tumblr.’
‘Do you do anything other than Tumblr?’
‘Other than that?’
‘I read,’ she shrugged.
‘Yeah, what have you read recently?’
‘That magazine,’ she pointed her peanut butter-filled spoon at it.
‘And eat peanut butter by the mouthful as well, apparently.’
She waved the spoon in a salute after she ate the peanut butter. ‘Well, you’ve asked him out now, anyway… You’ve opened this can of worms, now lie in it.’
I shook my head. ‘You’re a malaphor.’
‘You’re both dumb and smart.’
‘I’m quirky.’
‘Yeah, OK,’ I snorted.

By Maégan Boyle. 10.03.2017